This HAS to be it!

These contractions feel different than the ones I had last week. They are definitely more uncomfortable. I've been getting the contractions all day, but they really started being more steady after I went to bed. I've been praying that the baby would be in the right position. I feel that the baby may be posterior. I don't think the baby's bottom is facing me and I still feel lots of kicks.

The kids kept on asking to be woken up if I go into labor tonight. I'd like for them to sleep as much as possible and then wake them up just before the baby is born. I'd love for even Noah to be there. He's been talking about the baby for quite some time now and I think it would be such an exciting event for him.

Poor Chris...he really wanted to have the birth be during the day. I think if I do go into active labor tonight, that it would be for the best. Night time is so peaceful and more calming than the day for me.

Between contractions, the baby is super active. I wonder why. Maybe the baby senses something is up?

I asked Lucas to be the official birth photographer. He is really looking forward to the job.

This one is a pretty big one. But I can still type, so that's good. :)

I was hoping that we'd have the baby in August, but September will be just fine, too. Our birthdays are concentrated between March and July.

Chris puts Noah to sleep so easily and sweetly. Noah asked to take a shower with Chris and then they snuggled in bed while Chris read to Noah. Then Noah just climbs into his crib and goes right to sleep! With me, he asks for more and more books and then he does not want to go into his crib. Each child really is such a gift. I look at them and wonder how I could love them so much and how perfect each one is. But of course, there are times, way too many times, when I don't love them. I think of how God loves me and I am so humbled and grateful that He is God and His love never wavers.

It's so wonderful to be able to share our birth plans with folks at church and know that many are completely accepting and supportive because they homebirth, too! Someone asked if I was still having contractions after church and prayed with me right then and there. That's offering support that counts! I am so thrilled that a friend who is expecting her third child is really interested in a homebirth! It's interesting how many families at our church are like-minded in the areas of homeschooling and homebirthing. Everything seems to be coming home!

My mother called yesterday. It was very nice of her. She was at a church retreat but still thought of me. She told me that she had her babies 2 weeks before her due dates. I didn't know that. I wonder if mothers didn't share much about their pregnancies and labors with their daughters because they were unpleasant experiences or if some mothers just tended to be more private about their lives. Maybe it's just a generational kind of a thing.

Hana and Grace both want to homebirth, of course. They know that women do go to hospitals to give birth, but they see first hand how good and natural it is at home that it's obvious to them that home is where the baby should be born. I hope the boys will be able to influence their future wives to consider homebirthing as well. It doesn't take much propaganda on my part to convince them that the medical establishment need not be involved with childbirth.

Women used to give birth at home. Then their daughters started going to hospitals. I wonder what caused the break in tradition. Is there a period of time when mothers stopped passing down their wisdom and experiences? I'm sure it occurs in non-Christian homes as well as Christian homes. Why did daughters start leaving the home for work when their mothers didn't? Why did they seek others to care for their children when their mothers didn't? At the boys' soccer game on Saturday, I talked with a mother who told me that she has 3 children attending the Christian school that our boys' team was playing against and as soon as her 3 year old is potty trained, he will be going to the school as well. I wanted to ask her why, but didn't. I guess I just feel sad that families are missing out. And at such young ages. Maybe it comes down to fathers and mothers who aren't the ones really raising their children anymore and so the children grow up with the flow of the culture and adapt to whatever they see around them, instead of their parents' ways. We pray that sheltering our children and discipling them ourselves daily will reap godly consequences and "that our sons may be as plants grown up in their youth; that our daughters may be as corner stones, polished after the similitude of a palace." Psalm 144:12

Up Again With Contractions

It's Monday, Aug. 25, 1:16 am and I cannot sleep because the contractions keep on coming. 37 weeks and 5 days...16 more days to go. I think tonight would be a really good day to give birth.

We went walking tonight. I felt a lot of pressure. I'd like to walk more until the baby is born. I think the baby is a girl. Just because. I don't think I'm as big as I got with Noah. But then, I think I went almost to 40 weeks with Noah. We have a girl's name finally. I had been asking Chris what he thought about the name for awhile. He is ok with it and picked the middle name right away. We've had a boy's name from the start. If the baby is a boy, I think it would be so nice for Noah. If the baby is a girl, of course the girls would be thrilled. Me, too. But I'll be thrilled with a boy, too. I think I learned my lesson from Noah's pregnancy. I really believed that he would a girl and just didn't even think about the possibility of a boy. When he was born and I saw that he was a boy, I knew he was everything that I wanted. All thoughts of girls instantly vanished. God gives us so much better than what we want for ourselves.

All Ready

Chris finished his week of class and starts leave on Monday. Now if the baby is born on the EDD of Sept. 10, then we'll have Chris home for less than 2 weeks. When his leave is up, he'll have to go out of state for a class, so it would be nice if the baby is born really soon. And since I've been telling people that I'm sure to go early, I'm beginning to feel a little like a watched pot. And just thinking about going to 40 weeks makes me feel ill. So, I'm going to be doing a lot of walking...starting tomorrow. I've put it off long enough. :) Actually, Chris and I walked 2 miles the other day and it felt very productive. The idea of exercising is always worse than actually doing it. :)

I confided in Chris tonight that I have one anxiety about giving birth and that's disappointing him. With our first birth, we were both a mess. I think I will always remember squeezing Chris' hand with the contractions while I was idiotically forced to stay lying flat in the hospital bed and Chris tells me that I was hurting him! I think he must've felt as helpless and hopeless as I did in that miserable environment. If I could give one advice for someone birthing in a hospital, it would be to have an advocate. That advocate should be the voice of reason against all that insanity that the hospital staff creates to make birth as complicated and scary as possible. I wish I had an advocate to say NO to internal monitoring, NO to AROM (breaking the water), NO to having to stay in bed, NO to the IV, NO to administering an epidural and then Pitocin without my consent, NO to delivering the baby flat on my back with my feet in stirrups, NO to an episiotomy, NO to not having the staff giving me MY baby after the birth, etc, etc. I remember crying and feeling totally powerless during that labor. But it was after the next 2 births in a Japanese birthing clinic that I realized just how much the American hospital had done to destroy a natural and beautiful event. Chris wasn't there at these 2 births but he would've been pleased that I had no need to try to transfer all my pain on him. Both times I waited until I felt the baby was coming before going into the clinic and gave birth easily and without ANY intervention. Upright in a birthing chair! Without an episiotomy and without tearing. Maybe 2 these births were healing enough that they gave me the confidence to desire a homebirth next. I knew that I would never voluntarily give birth at a hospital again. With Hanalora's birth, Chris and I experienced a birth that was so different from our first hospital birth that there is just no comparison. We had no one to pressure us. He saw that I was able to relax in the water and yield to each contraction. I am usually pretty vocal (translate that to loud!), but not during my labors. My husband and children do not see me in pain or struggling. I wonder if they think it's easy for me. It's not. The hours (usually 6-8) are long and arduous.

What if I am not able to relax and focus this time? What if I show despair? Chris tells me that I could never disappoint him. He believes that I have the strength to give birth. That's all I need, then...my husband's unwavering acceptance and confidence in me.

I'm really ready now. Just have to do a few more loads of laundry. :)

It's 2:37 AM

And I'm not in bed because the contractions just keep on coming. I had taken some liquid calcium before going to bed, but I went and took some more a bit ago.

I don't think I'm really in labor because I don't have that achy feeling that always accompanies my labors...yet.

My belly looks like it's really really low.

Chris doesn't want me to have the baby until Saturday. He's in a class this week. Max and Lucas have their first soccer game tomorrow so I'm sure they would like the baby to born later this week as well. God's timing is best. I feel at peace.

My EDD is September 10, but what does that mean? Nothing. Just to have something to say when people ask, I guess. I'm really not very informative about my pregnancy. :)
Everyone wants to know the sex of the baby. Don't know. Am I dilated? Don't know. Don't care either. Am I ready? Hmmm...I guess I'll know that one when I'm there. Who's going to help us? This is the one answer I know with my whole being. The God who made me and loves me is also the One who is always there for me.

My help cometh from the LORD, which made heaven and earth. Psalm 121:2

This Is It!

Well...the baby's not coming just yet, but it's getting close! :)

We're at 36 weeks today. 28 days to go...it's been 252 days since God gave us the baby! The baby ticker on my homepage really helps me to keep track, otherwise I'd be clueless at knowing how far along I am.

I am up to 110 pounds, having gained about 15. The baby's definitely still growing! And getting better and better at kick-boxing! Especially at night when I'm in bed. I bought liquid calcium after reading that it should help during labor and with sleeping because it relaxes the muscles. I took some last night and slept better!

I've tried not to buy too much this pregnancy. I only got a couple of maternity pieces at a consignment sale and finally succumbed to a dress from the maternity store. (See picture from reenlistment post). I think I only got it because it was marked down to $10 from $45. I've been wearing a lot of my skirts that I've always meant to get rid of because they were too big for me. Just goes to show you that procrastination has its good points. :) I had a coupon for Babies' R Us so I bought an organic swaddling blanket. My most recent, and probably last, purchase is a Moby D silk wrap. I have the most generous husband in the world! He knows that I have a couple of wraps already and still ok'd this purchase. When I wear the baby in it, I'll make sure to post a picture so you can see how beautiful it is. :)

I believe we have everything we need for the birth. Here is my list:

-inflatable pool
-hose

(this is pretty much all I really need, but the rest on the list is just a bonus)

-dechlorinator for birthing pool water
-umbilical cord scissors (I need to confess that I haven't actually found the ones we used with Hana's birth, and in the event that we still don't find it, we'll just use regular scissors like I did with Grace's birth and Chris with Noah's birth...Chris said to buy a new pair of umbilical cord scissors. Hopefully they come in time.)
-digital scale (and I even thought to buy 9 volt batteries today!)
-essential oils for the pool water and the aromatherapy vaporizer for the room
-music
-hydrogen peroxide (wish I'd known that it removes blood stains long ago...the kids all have nosebleeds occasionally and stain their pillowcases and sheets), although I don't really anticipate anything to clean. The pool pretty much contains it all and keeps things really simple and easy to clean.
-herb tinctures: dong quai, cayenne, black and blue cohosh, crampbark, lemon balm, skullcap, valerian root, catnip, shepherd's purse, Bach Rescue Remedy (I've had these herbs since Hana's birth and really didn't use any, except for the dong quai/angelica with Grace because my placenta took awhile to come out.
-red raspberry leaf tea, I want to get a fresh young coconut, too, because the coconut water is full of electrolytes and besides, I just love coconut water.
-camera
-bowl, for placenta
-cotton string for tying the cord (I'd like to get embroidery floss to make a prettier tie, but we'll see if I actually get around to it.)
-blanket for baby, robe for me
-hat for baby, but I may not want to use it...the baby's head is so nice to cuddle against...
-chux pads
-Bible, for Chris to read


I think that covers it. Let me know if you think of anything else. :)

Pain in childbirth

I believe many women have more trouble with pain in childbirth than is necessary because they really do believe that childbirth is supposed to be extremely painful. Maybe even that God wants them to suffer and be in intolerable pain.

Has anyone done a thorough study on Genesis 3:16? Does sorrow mean pain specifically? It seems it matters what translation you read.

We read from the KJV which says, "Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee."

John 16:21 reads, "A woman when she is in travail hath sorrow, because her hour is come: but as soon as she is delivered of the child, she remembereth no more the anguish, for joy that a man is born into the world."

I looked up the word travail and it doesn't necessarily mean pain.
1. Labor in childbirth; as a severe travail; an easy travail.

Anguish can mean panic of the mind, I think.


2 Timothy 1:7, "For God hath not given us the spirit of fear; but of power, and of love, and of a sound mind."

I was very fearful with my first birth at the hospital. Although the pain was great, when I was given the epidural and could not feel the contractions anymore, I was still in anguish. The epidural had stopped my labor and so they gave me Pitocin and I just lay there like a lump, waiting for this nightmare to end. At that point, I really would've preferred feeling the pain of the contractions.

The next 5 births were really not that painful. The contractions were pretty intense but I never felt that same kind of fearful gripping pain as with my first hospital birth. The intensity, or pain if you must, of the contractions didn't bother me that much because I knew it was for good! It was good for my body to be allowed to do its work, to labor, unhindered.

Perhaps it's only the fighting against what God has ordained that causes us more grief than we need experience. Giving birth is a momentous event that needs to involve surrender. Surrendering our right to be pain free, surrendering our every emotion to God and embracing motherhood, even labor. I believe when that happens, the pain can be greatly diminished and become not something we're fighting against or even a focal point.

My husband is my hero

Someone very dear to us asked us about our birth plans. We told him that we were going to birth by ourselves again. He told Chris, "You're brave!" That remark helped me to realize that Chris is a very remarkable man. I cannot thank God enough that he has given me a husband who accepts and supports me so unconditionally.

My father was not allowed to be with my mother with any of their children's births at the hospital. Interestingly, I think Dr. Odent would approve:

www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/article-559913/A-obstetrician-men-NEVER-birth-child.html

Initially I was dismayed at his views but I can see his point after some reflection. Many men probably do add to their wives' stress during childbirth. They may be fearful of what might happen and feel helpless. With our births, Chris' presence gives me a sense of completeness and joy that I would hate to have to do without. And I've had to. Three times. I can birth without my husband at my side, but I'd much rather have his love and support during the birth of our child. He's not my midwife...he doesn't tell me how to birth and yet, the trust and peace he shows makes it all so beautiful and ...relaxing. Yes, relaxing. If you were at at our last birth, you would witness a very calm and quiet atmostphere and our children were present! He would give me all the credit, but I am definitely willing to share it. :) I don't think he was ever nervous or impatient at the two homebirths he's been with me.

Our first hospital birth was a different story. I was 20 years old and in good health, but was treated like I was about to die! So, of course we were both nervous. Hopefully things have changed since then, but 16 years ago, I was confined to a bed as soon as I got to the hospital. An IV was started, external and internal monitors were put on me, I was given an epidural without the doctor ever coming and then because the epidural stalled my labor, pitocin was given, again without my permission or the doctor being there. Even though I begged not to be cut, the doctor ignored me and gave me an episeotomy. I have not torn with any of my other births. God has been very gracious in allowing me to experience a medically managed birth that didn't end up in a C-section. I can appreciate our homebirths that much more because of it.

Thinking back to our first homebirth, Chris really was brave. Word got out about our birthing plans and his command ordered him to take me to the hospital for the birth...or else. We were stressed, but were not deterred. We were rewarded with a beautiful birth and our first daughter!

We look forward to this birth with anticipation and thankfulness to God for blessing us with another precious son or daughter.

52 days or less to go!

31 weeks and 2 days

The baby ticker shows 61 more days to go! I really don't anticipate going into September even though technically my due date is September 10. Chris is home now after being gone for over two months so I can relax and just wait for baby to come now. The only thing we still have to get is a pool. The stores all seem to be out of the aquarium pool I've used with the last three births. :( We plan to set up the pool upstairs this time, in the bonus room. The only disadvantage might be carrying hot water upstairs if we run out of hot tap water. The bonus room is roomier than the downstairs living room and the bathroom is close by. We also have a nice new digital baby scale. That's about as high tech as we're going to get.

I weigh 105 pounds, which means I've gained about 10 pounds so far. Everything seems normal. I get lots of comments about baby being a boy because the baby is low. Hmmm. I think I've carried all the babies the same with each of my pregnancies. Everyone asks if the baby is a boy or a girl. One time I answered, one or the other. I think it went over that person's head. :)

Noah is 28 months and getting to be such a big boy. He has gone through several nights with his diaper dry! The other night he slept on his sisters' bed and didn't wake up all night. I think he's ready to be a big brother. He talks about the new baby and wants to kiss my belly all the time.

I'm not sleeping well at all. I hope the baby comes really early.